The Granger Relation - Confession Time
by Ebenbild
Summary: Hermione has something to confess. She is not an only child - regretfully. She often wished she was because having family can be very hard... especially if you forget to tell your boyfriend about your siblings and a family dinner is on the way. Just a touch of 'Sherlock' - knowledge of the show is not actually needed. After canon HP books.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer**_ _: I'm too young to be Rowling so there is sadly no way Harry Potter is mine…_

 _ **Placing:**_ _After_ _the_ _second_ _war._

 _Challenge: 'Prompt of the day'. Prompt_ _: (_ _event_ _)_ _family dinner_ _. 1863_ _words_ _._ _Gryffindor_ _,_ _Hogwarts_ _._

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sSsSsSsSs

 _ **CONFESSION TIME**_

sSs

Just a few weeks after they finally won the battle against Voldemort, Hermione had found another kind of trouble.

"Ron," she said slowly to her boyfriend.

"Yes, dear?" He asked her distractedly while he tried to beat Neville in chess – that boy was surprisingly good and Ron had a hard time winning.

Hermione closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Ron," she said again, hesitatingly.

This time her boyfriend stopped to concentrate on his chess game to turn and look at her.

"What's troubling you, Hermione?" He asked confused. Then his face changed into concerned. "Did you have a flash-back, dear?"

"No, I didn't," Hermione assured her boyfriend.

 _It was worse._

"Then why are you… acting like that?" Ron asked confused while gesturing at her.

Hermione knew immediately what he meant.

 _Nervous, hesitating and something akin to afraid._

"I… I have to confess something," she finally blurted out and her boyfriend's frown deepened.

"Confess?" he asked frowning.

"I… my parents…" Hermione stuttered.

"Oh," Ron said, sounding as if he had an epiphany. "That's about wanting to go to Australia and find your parents."

"Er… not exactly," Hermione mumbled. "But… well… it's…"

She took another deep breath.

 _Like a band-aid, Hermione_ , she told herself. _Just like a band-aid._

"My parents invited us to a family dinner," she blurted out in the end.

This time, Ron's confusion was even greater than before.

"I thought you oblivated them," he said slowly.

Hermione winced.

"I… might have lied about that," she confessed. "I asked them to leave for a while, but I didn't oblivate them…"

Ron frowned.

"Then why did you tell us that you oblivated them?" He asked confused and Hermione winced again.

"Misdirection," she confessed. "What you didn't know you couldn't tell."

Ron blinked.

"That's logical," Neville pointed out, understanding in his voice. "You wanted to keep them safe – telling everybody you oblivated them would have kept them safe because even if the Death Eaters heard they would have thought that finding your parents after you changed their memories was going way too far for that time of the war."

Hermione sighed and inclined her head.

"That was basically my thought as well," she confessed. "Of course they hid – but somewhere absolutely different than I said."

"But why did you lie to us?" Ron asked confused and Hermione winced again.

Oddly, it was Harry who had been cuddling with Ginny on one of the sofas in the common room who spoke up next, understanding in his voice.

"She didn't tell because she knew I had a direct, unexplained connection to Voldemort and didn't want him to find out the truth," he said and Hermione winced again.

"I'm sorry," she offered, but Harry waved it off.

"Nah," he said. "It's understandable – and I'm definitely not cross with you for not telling me."

"Or Ron," Hermione added shamefaced.

"Or Ron," Harry nodded. "You didn't want to force Ron to keep it a secret from me – like I said, understandable."

And Hermione smiled.

Ron frowned but clearly thought through her reasoning before even thinking about saying something.

"Alright," he said in the end. "I guess I can understand it. I don't truly like it, but I understand it."

Hermione sighed in relief.

Then Ron's frown deepened again.

"But that doesn't explain why you act like the world is ending just because you're invited to a family dinner," he said a bit confused.

"We're," Hermione corrected him. "We're invited – me and my boyfriend, meaning _you_!"

Ron looked at her with no understanding in his eyes.

"So what?" he asked confused. "You're afraid that your father'll kill me because I'm going out with you?"

Hermione winced again.

"Er… no," she said slowly. "Not my father."

Ron raised an eyebrow while Neville snickered.

"You fear _your mother_ will kill him?" He asked amused.

Hermione winced again.

"No," she said. "My parents are harmless."

Harry and Ron exchanged a glance.

"Then why are you so nervous?" Ron asked now a bit nervous himself.

Hermione winced again.

"I'm," she gulped. "I'm not an only child."

" _WHAT_?" This time four people stared at her as if she had told them she was a house-elf-hybrid.

Hermione blushed.

"What do you mean 'you're not an only child'?" Ron asked confused. "I mean… you never said anything at all about siblings until now and we've known you since you were eleven! Don't you think something of that magnitude should have been said years ago? I mean – I've been _dating_ you for months now and you _never_ –"

Hermione winced before interrupting her boyfriend with the facts about her family.

"I'm the youngest," she told them truthfully. "And I'm the youngest by much. Also, my siblings… well, they're half-siblings. My parents… Mummy was widowed a few years before meeting Daddy and Daddy was divorced for over a year when they met and fell in love."

"Oh," the others said unison.

Hermione tried a brittle smile.

"Daddy married when he was twenty for the first time. He had his first son about two years later," she explained. "Mummy on the other hand married even younger. She had her first child when she was nearly nineteen. Since she's a bit younger than Daddy my oldest brothers are solely a year apart."

"Alright," Ron said slowly. "So you have older siblings."

Hermione nodded.

"Much older siblings," she said. "Mummy was in her forties when I was born. She met Daddy when she was thirty-nine and I wasn't actually planned, you know? Not that they don't love me – but Mummy was quite old to be a mum again and there was a bit of a risk, you know?"

Ron blinked confused, but Harry nodded.

"I know," he said before turning to Ron. "I think Hermione is talking about her mother having a high-risk pregnancy. It's often considered like that when muggle women are above forty."

"Or –"

"I don't think that Ron needs to know the other reasons," Harry interrupted Hermione gently.

Hermione blushed but conceded that point.

"Anyway," she said. "That means that my siblings are all quite a lot older than me. They all have their own lives already. I guess that I simply forgot to tell you about them considering that they don't live at home anymore."

Ron blinked.

"How can you forget to mention that you have siblings?" He asked confused. "Even I spoke about Charlie and Bill within the first three months of knowing you – but you never said anything at all!"

Hermione winced again.

"Half of them don't even consider Britain their home country anymore," she defended herself. "And from the others that do, half of them you can meet everywhere else on the world _but_ in Britain! Not one of them is magical – so why should I have had reason to mention them? It's not as if either of you have ever come home to me before now!"

Ron and Harry looked at each other guiltily.

"I actually didn't accuse you of anything," Harry finally said. "It's not as if I talk about the Dursleys."

Hermione nodded even if she winced again hearing that.

"Yeah," she said. "But I don't think that my siblings are anything like the Dursleys."

Harry grinned at her.

"I never thought they were," he said before leaning forward, dislodging Ginny a bit who grumbled to herself a bit over that little fact. "But tell, 'Mione, what are they like? 'Not anything like the Dursleys' is not a good description, you know?"

Hermione thought about that answer a bit.

"My siblings on Daddy's side are – for the most parts – adrenalin junkies," she finally settled on. Ron frowned at that.

"Adrenalin junkies?" He repeated a bit nervously.

Hermione shrugged.

"Jumping from skyscrapers or into ovens, confronting villains, blowing up buildings kind of 'adrenalin junkies'," she clarified unconcerned. "When Mummy heard I confronted a troll she told Daddy that it's all his fault. She said it's obviously in his genes that his children take insane risks."

"Wait," Ron said with huge eyes. "Your parents know about the troll?"

Hermione nodded.

"And the basilisk, Quirrell, Professor Lupin, Sirius – everything," she said. "One of my brothers helped me with my aim after my first year and another started me on self-defence a year later."

"And your parents agreed for you to come back?" Neville asked incredulously.

Hermione shrugged.

"My brothers never went to Hogwarts and managed to get into plenty of danger without it as well," she said unconcerned. "Daddy argued that Hogwarts or not – the moment my danger gene woke up danger would find me wherever I was."

Neville snickered and Harry grinned at that. Ron on the other hand looked a little bit pale. Hermione guessed that he feared confronting her father's children. She decided to reassure him.

"Don't worry," she said. "It's unlikely that you meet them at the family dinner. Most of them are always anywhere but in London, after all."

Ron nodded, looking a little bit more relaxed now.

"What about your mum's children? What are they like and how likely is it for Ron to meet them?" Harry asked interestedly and Hermione winced again.

"They're…" Hermione hesitate for a moment before finding the right description. "They share the genius side of me. They're all very intelligent and mostly interested in very specific kind of things."

"Oh," Ron said. "That doesn't sound too bad."

Hermione supressed a flinch.

"No," she said slowly. "It doesn't. And if you're lucky, you won't meet them either. The most of them are always working."

At least she hoped that Ron wouldn't meet them.

She remembered some of her brothers' threats when they heard about Ron's behaviour at the Yule Ball all too well…

"Oh," Ron said. "Alright."

Then he frowned.

"Then why are you scared?"

Hermione just forced herself to smile at her boyfriend. She wouldn't tell him that she had cried all over her over-protective oldest brother after his treatment of her at the Yule Ball. She knew that her other brothers were furious as well – but her oldest at least semi-regularly came by her parents' home…

But then, with the Statue of Security and the whole wizarding war and its aftermath spilling into the muggle world he should be busy enough to not come to the family dinner.

With that thought, she felt it safe to lie a bit to her boyfriend.

"They're just a bit… much," she said slowly. "If you have to be around them all – not that I ever was. I'm still fairly sure that some of them have no idea that they are related to some of the others by marriage. I'm quite sure that they were never all together in one room before."

"So… family dinner?" Ron asked and Hermione took another deep breath.

"Nothing to worry about," she said.

Two weeks later the door to her parents' home opened to reveal the form of her oldest brother.

He was clad in an expensive suite and leaned forward on his umbrella, his gaze assessing Ron within a second. There was not the slightest bit approval in his eyes.

"Ah," he said slowly. "Mr… Weasley. Please come in. Sherlock and John are already waiting."

 _Correction._

 _Ron was dead._

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 _Just a little idea... (Inspired by Paintmesilver's Hermione's insane family series: 'Uncle', 'Cousins' etc.)_

 _I hope you like Hermione's brothers (those you met, that is xDDD (except you can guess the others. I left a clue or two, but mostly I decided to keep it vague... xDD))!_

 _Ebenbild_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer**_ _: I'm too young to be Rowling so there is sadly no way Harry Potter is mine…_

 _ **Placing:**_ _After_ _the_ _second_ _war._

 _Challenge: 'Prompt of the day'. Prompt_ _: (_ _food_ _)_ _Indian_ _. 2000_ _words_ _._ _Gryffindor_ _,_ _Hogwarts_ _._

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sSsSsSsSs

 _ **CONFESSION TIME**_

 _ **Part II**_

sSs

They had Indian for dinner – the iciest hot Indian that Hermione had ever tasted in her whole life.

The whole table was shrouded in silence.

Her parents were looking at their meal.

Hermione was nervously picking at hers.

And the other three grownup men?

Oh, well – let's say that there was a reason why Ron was keeping his mouth shut…

In the end it was John who had some compassion for either Ron or Hermione – Hermione suspected it might not have been for Ron.

"So, Hermione," John finally said smiling after half an hour of icy silence while ignoring Sherlock and Mycroft who were currently vivisecting Ron with their eyes alone. "How was school?"

Hermione shrugged.

"We had a full blown out battle on the school grounds a few weeks ago, actually," she said while at the same time waving it off. "All in all I think it could have ended worse in the end."

Ron who had been uncomfortably eating his dinner, turned to gawk at her.

"Worse?" He asked hoarsely. "They nearly took the school! People died back then! Remus! Tonks! Nearly Fred as well!"

"I know," Hermione said nodding. "But it could have been worse anyway."

Sherlock looked at her with narrowed eyes, then he nodded.

"You had no true traitors inside the school or your ranks," he said assessing. "There was no treachery, just a head-on assault. You weren't stuck inside the castle and starved for weeks and all in all your enemies didn't hit as much people as they could have if the assault had been planned better. All in all your world was lucky that your enemy was that incompetent or there might have happened a lot worse things while he was in control of the war."

Hermione, absolutely used to be deduced by her older brother just nodded.

"Exactly," she said.

Ron's eyes on the other hand widened comically.

"How do you know that?" He asked confused. "You're a muggle! You shouldn't even know that there was a war going on!"

Sherlock stared at Ron as if he was nuts.

"There went people missing all over Britain, unexplained deaths seemingly without a cause, unnatural fog and terror-warnings all over the news without the police having any clue what's going on," he said scathingly. "Adding to that that my sister's left hand is still bandaged – considering what your potions normally can heal it has to be some kind of dark curse, which you don't encounter randomly in a school – her tendency to look around every other second like a war veteran and the fact that she has decided to bring you here even knowing that we might be here there is just one conclusion: Your world just fought against that mad man that was targeting children."

Ron blinked confused.

John on the other hand stared at Sherlock in awe.

"What about the fighting tactics used that you mentioned?" He asked interestedly.

Sherlock shrugged.

"Neither of them looks truly starved, they're both far too relaxed to have someone betraying them recently and far too calm to have lost a lot of people," he said. "Elementary, Watson."

Mycroft scoffed.

"Shouldn't it be 'Granger'?" He asked coolly.

Sherlock just raised an eyebrow.

"You're just put out that you didn't put together that John is related to our dear little sister," he said slowly.

"But you knew," Mycroft asked with a returned raised eyebrow.

"Of course," Sherlock said. "I have to confess it took me some time – but in the end it was the only logical conclusion."

"And it's truly 'Watson'," John added. "Unlike the other nutcases Hermione and I have to call family, I didn't just make up a fake name based on Daddy's first name."

Hermione nodded.

"John took on his mother's maiden name when she divorced Daddy," she said. "He and Harry were the only ones who decided to change their name legally."

Ron stared at Hermione.

"Harry?" He asked absolutely confused.

"Not our Harry," Hermione said with a roll of her eyes. "My sister Harry – well, Harriet, but we're calling her Harry."

Ron looked at her blankly.

"You have a sister," he said.

Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"And several brothers like you might have noticed," she pointed out.

Said brothers turned their gaze back to Ron.

Ron gulped, clearly recognising that none of her brothers was all too happy with him.

Then another thought occurred him.

"Wait," he said slowly. "Your brothers changed their name by basing their new last names on your dad's first name? You can do that in the muggle world that simple?"

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"It's illegal to do so, Ron!" She said with a frown. "And it's not done 'that simple'. I'm still not sure how they actually managed…"

"The rest of your brothers aren't idiots," her father pointed out amused. "You just can't see them that clearly because you compare them to… _them_!"

With that he gestured towards Sherlock and Mycroft.

John snorted.

"I think everybody looks like an idiot compared to them," he said amused.

Sherlock frowned.

"Some are actually idiots," he said. "No matter who you compare them with."

His eyes wandered to Ron and narrowed.

Hermione's eyes widened. She knew if someone didn't do anything right now, Sherlock would start a verbal assault on Ron.

 _But what could she do to stop it?_

She was well aware that neither of her brothers had been happy with Ron and his behaviour over the years, after all.

"Maybe I shouldn't have brought him home," she thought desperately. "Maybe I should have ensured that he stayed away from here for the rest of our lives!"

But then, she hadn't actually expected three of her brothers to be at dinner. Normally if even one of them came you could be surprised – three had never happened before!

"At least it's John from Daddy's side," she tried to console herself while staring at said brother urging him to do something with her eyes. "It could have been worse. I'm not sure if Ron would still be standing with the rest of them. John might have a gun – but I'm sure the rest of them have at least three times as much hidden away and three times less restrictions to use their weapons' stash…"

Her pleading eyes widened even further when Sherlock's hidden smirk deepened.

"At least it's just Sherlock," she mentally tried to calm herself. "At least it's just Sherlock…"

Then John's eyes met hers and she knew that even if he would help her out right now it wouldn't change the fact that at the end of the night it wouldn't just be Sherlock who knew of her choice as a boyfriend.

Hermione wondered if James and the rest would leave enough of Ron for a casket.

Then John nodded in understanding to Hermione's silent pleading and turned to Hermione's mother.

"This Indian curry is fabulous, Mummy," he said. "I haven't eaten so well in quite some time."

Hermione's mother snorted.

"I'm quite sure you're right about that," she said amused. "My Sherlock is a lot – but a good cook he certainty isn't!"

That definitely distracted Sherlock.

His eyes left Ron and he turned nearly pouting towards the mother.

"I can cook," he proclaimed. "I did it before."

Mycroft's face turned sour at that and Hermione snickered.

"I remember," her oldest brother said darkly. "I'm still not sure if he didn't try to kill the rest of us back then."

Sherlock pouted, John raised an eyebrow in inquiry, Hermione's father snorted and her mother shook her head fondly.

Ron just stared at the rest of the table in confusion.

"It's not as if a man needs to know how to cook," he pointed out confused to the rest of them. "It's the girls that cook, isn't it?"

Immediately Mycroft's and John's amusement vanished.

Then Mycroft actually looked at Sherlock.

Sherlock returned his gaze and Hermione's danger radar spiked.

Sherlock _never_ looked to Mycroft if he didn't have to.

Then Mycroft nodded and Sherlock turned back to look at Ron before looking at Hermione.

Hermione felt a shiver running down her back.

"In the muggle world men also cook," she desperately pointed out to Ron. "It's not just the women who do it."

Ron frowned.

"Well," he said. "I won't learn it just because in the muggle world men and women cook. I like to eat – but cooking is like potions and I hate potions."

"I never said that you had to cook," Hermione reassured her boyfriend. "I just wanted to point out that in the muggle world both genders cook."

Ron shrugged.

"Who cares?" He said before turning back to eating. "As long as I don't have to do it, I'm actually not that interested in that odd part of muggle culture."

Hermione winced at that proclamation.

She was quite sure that those words wouldn't go over well with her brothers.

And she was right…

Mycroft and Sherlock exchanged another glance, then Sherlock looked at his little sister.

"Hermione," Sherlock said in a matter of fact voice. "You should shoot him in the wind."

"Hey!" Ron complained immediately. "Just because you're her older brother you don't –"

Sherlock just continued as if Ron wasn't even speaking.

"He's uninterested in where you come from and obviously wants to force you to fit in his world view," he said.

Hermione frowned at her brother before trying to speak up in defence of Ron.

"He's –"

"- a jealous idiot who hates all people that are better than him in anything. He looks down on you because of your intellect and has never appreciated all the help you have given him over the years," Sherlock said in his 'deduction voice'. "He's still a little boy who wants his mother to cook for him and coddle him so that he doesn't have to face the real world."

Mycroft hummed under his breath in agreement. John studiously looked anywhere but her face.

Hermione frowned at her older brothers, well aware that Mycroft and maybe even John seemed to think the same thing.

"He has grown up from –"

"He might have gotten older, but he hasn't changed at all," Sherlock intercepted her defence with certainty. "He always left when it got complicated," he continued. "And he hasn't changed. He was a jealous and stupid little boy and yet he is a jealous and stupid man. With him, you will never reach your goals. He's lazy and he will hold you back because he can't stand people who are better than him."

Ron turned red when hearing that.

"You know nothing about me!" He screamed. "You have absolutely no idea who I am or what I'd do! Who are you that you can think you can tell Hermione what to do or not to do?!"

Sherlock just stared at Ron coolly.

"I'm her brother," he said. "And Hermione knows I'm right. I'm always right!"

Ron spluttered.

Mycroft clearly had to supress a disbelieving exclamation at that point.

John just stared at Sherlock with a raised eyebrow, his gaze so intense that he might have been in the process to activate a mind-link to his flatmate to remind him of all those things Sherlock had deduced wrongly at first.

Sherlock meanwhile turned back to Hermione.

"If you have to take one of the idiots," he said unhappily. "Take the other one. At least he's loyal."

Hermione somehow got the feeling that this family dinner might go into history as the worst one she ever attended…

"Sherlock," a soft voice interrupted the stalemate of Sherlock, Mycroft, John and Ron in that moment.

The whole table looked at the last person who hadn't said anything at all yet.

Hermione's mother put down her fork gingerly, cleaned her mouth on the serviette and then looked reprimanding at her son.

Hermione felt relief flowing through her veins.

Her mother would reign in her brothers for sure!

After all, Ron truly wasn't that bad – and he should have been given a fair chance instead of being judged for his behaviour in previous years…

"Don't call Hermione's friends idiots," her mother said. "Even if they behaved like ones, it isn't polite to do so at dinner."

Hermione wanted to face-palmed.

Of course her mother had to take offence on _that!_

"Yes, Mummy," Sherlock said. "I apologize, Mummy."

John looked at Sherlock in disbelief.

"Since when do you apologize for anything, Sherlock?" He asked shrewdly.

"He only does that with Mummy," Mycroft said matter-of-factly. "You don't have to examine his head for injuries."

And with that three feral gazes turned back to Ron.

Yep, Hermione was right.

The worst family dinner – _ever!_

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 _Never wrote 'Sherlock' before. Hope I managed to not destroy their characters absolutely. xD T.T_

 _And yes, John, Sherlock and Mycroft are all her brothers._

 _Maybe you even know who 'James' is supposed to be (hint: he's neither from HP nor from 'Sherlock') xDDD_

 _Ebenbild_

 _PS: About Fred: Yes, I know he died in canon, but I couldn't see Ron being like always with Fred dead and gone, so I changed it to 'nearly died'. This is the only change in canon for this story, everything else happened like in the books_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer**_ _: I'm too young to be Rowling so there is sadly no way Harry Potter is mine…_

 _ **Placing:**_ _After_ _the_ _second_ _war._

 _Challenge: 'Prompt of the day'. Prompt_ _: (_ _dialogue_ _)_ _"Why did you invite _?"_ _2500_ _words_ _._ _Gryffindor_ _,_ _Hogwarts_ _._

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sSsSsSsSs

 _ **CONFESSION TIME**_

 _ **Part III**_

sSs

The rest of the main course was eaten in silence, with Ron nervously looking at his plate, not daring to look up in Hermione's brothers' feral gazes.

The three men on the other hand stared at the boy as if they were considering to roast him inside the oven.

Hermione wondered if the witch in 'Hansel and Gretel' had the same look in her eyes while looking at the trapped Hansel… somehow she had the feeling that the witch's glare would have been called benevolent compared to her bothers' stares...

After the main course, her mother stood up to fetch desert. It was then that at least one of Hermione's brothers decided to give Ron a break.

"Let me help you, Mummy," John said and stood up to follow the woman into the kitchen. The moment the door closed behind John and Hermione's mother, Hermione's father looked up from his empty plate.

"Sherlock, Mycroft," he said softly. "Let that poor boy take a breather, will you?"

 _Hermione could have kissed her father right then and there!_

Her two older brothers frowned at her father.

"Brandton," Mycroft said slowly. "You are aware that the boy is responsible for your daughter's tears just a few years ago, aren't you?"

Hermione's father looked at Ron who flushed red.

"I… I…" Ron stuttered. "It wasn't that bad!"

Hermione wanted to close her eyes in desperation when he spoke up.

"I mean," Ron stumbled onwards. "Harry left her alone as well! And it actually wasn't my fault! I… she was with that ass of a quidditch player and… I'm sure it was all his fault! He shouldn't have asked her out!"

"Why, Mr Weasley," Mycroft asked coolly. "Because you preferred her to go alone to a socially important event?"

Ron frowned at Hermione's oldest brother.

"She should have waited until I asked her!" He exclaimed pouting.

Hermione winced and her father gave up pretending to search his empty plate for food.

Her father's eyes glittered in the light of the setting sun.

"Is that so," he said pleasantly, making Hermione wonder if she had misjudged her kind-hearted father.

"Brandton," Mycroft said again and her father looked at his oldest step-son.

"Yes, Mycroft?" he asked, as pleasant and nice as ever. "Do you need something, son?"

Her brother raised an eyebrow and her father shrugged.

"I could lend you my dentist tools, if you need them," he said in answer to a question Hermione was sure her oldest brother never voiced. "Or I could lend you the younger twin. If I remember it correctly he upgraded his electricity arrows recently. I'm quite sure if you tell him where to aim, he will do so without another question."

 _That… didn't sound too good…_

Before Mycroft could reply to the insane offer of his step-father, Hermione decided to step in.

"Daddy," Hermione said concerned. "You're not about to sell one of the twins to Mycroft, are you? That would be inhuman, Daddy!"

Her father looked at her thoughtfully.

Ron just looked at the rest of the family in confusion, clearly not aware of the danger he was currently in.

"I guess you're right, darling," Brandton Granger, Hermione's father, finally conceded frowning. "Mycroft, you'll have to take both. One alone gets into far too much trouble for even you to handle. At least with the older watching over the younger you should be assured that the situations they stumble into inadvertently will be analysed before they decide to blow something up."

"That's not what I meant, Daddy!" Hermione shrieked. Both twins on Ron's case definitely weren't better than just the more insane one. "You can't send any of the twins after Ron!"

Ron frowned at her in confusion.

"Why?" He asked. "What's so bad about twins? My brothers are an alright pair, after all."

That comment gave Hermione the creeps.

"Merlin," she moaned. "We can never, ever let those four meet! This will be a disaster even all the money in the world couldn't fix anymore!"

Ron blinked.

"Oh," he said. "So your twin brothers are pranksters as well?"

He thought about it and shrugged.

"Don't worry," he said. "'S not as if a pair of muggles could be anywhere near as bad as Fred and George with their pranks. They lack the magic, if you've forgotten."

Hermione bit her lips.

She was quite sure that the younger twin didn't need any kind of magic to stick some arrows into Ron's butt – and the other one definitely didn't need magic to do the same with some bullets…

Sherlock on the other hand had no such restrictions like his younger sister.

"Oh, yes," he said with gleaming eyes. "You could call them pranksters if you want to."

Hermione somehow got the feeling that her brother was already deducing what the twins would do to Ron if they ever met.

"I'm quite sure that even Mycroft might crack a smile while watching them perform," the smile Sherlock send Ron was creepy and definitely feral.

"There will be no meeting between any of the twins and Ron!" Hermione intercepted heatedly. "I won't allow it!"

Ron frowned at her.

"Why?" He asked confused. "They're muggle pranksters. They're harmless."

Before Hermione could even think about answering that statement, another voice spoke up from the kitchen door.

"Huh? Who are you talking about?" John asked confused while carrying the pudding in his hands.

Behind him Hermione's mother was carrying a bowl of fruits.

"Nobody," Hermione said rapidly, but to her dismay she wasn't fast enough.

"The muggle prankster twin brothers or whatever," Ron said. "Brandton suggested that I meet them."

Hermione winced at that.

Her father had never given Ron permission to use his first name. Hermione knew that her father was quite selective when it came to giving a permission like that. Only her mother's children – those that didn't call him 'Daddy' anyway – and a few close friends had been allowed to do so. It wasn't a good idea to use her father's first name without his explicit permission if you wanted to keep in his good graces…

Mycroft on the other hand looked thoughtful.

"I don't think I have ever met the twins," he said slowly.

John nodded.

"You wouldn't," he said. "You're the British government and my twin brothers have been playing Americans since… they were twelve?"

John looked thoughtfully at his father.

Brandton Granger frowned and shook his head.

"They and Barney ran away to the American circus when the twins were barely seven," he said. "That was the year your mother and I decided to take the first break from our marriage. We found them again when they were twelve going on thirteen after Barney –"

Her father stopped speaking at that point in time and Hermione pressed her lips together.

Barney, her originally oldest brother was dead – and as much as it hurt her father, she knew that Brandton Granger would never forgive his oldest son for basically kidnapping his baby brothers and then deliberately nearly killing one of them.

"Well," her mother spoke up in that moment while she put down the bowl of fruits a bit more forcefully than necessary. "I think it's a splendid idea! Just call Tony and ask him to relay a message. I'm sure he can get a hold of at least one of them without any trouble."

Ron looked at her mother a bit unsurely at that.

"It's not necessary to call them on my account," he said confused. "It's not as if I'm a prankster anyway and my twin brothers aren't here, currently…"

Hermione wanted to strangle her boyfriend for being so dense!

Instead she did the next best thing and turned to her mother.

"Mummy!" Hermione whined. "I didn't bring Ron here so that you can all plan his demise!"

Ron laughed.

"Good one, 'Mione!" He crowed. "Don't worry, I doubt that your brothers are as scary as Fred and George."

Hermione wanted to face-palm.

Obviously Ron had forgotten her description of her father's children…

Her mother saw her agitated look, smiled and patted Hermione's head.

"If you want to, darling, we can invite James to the whole spectacle. He should have some ideas to add to ours," her mother said smiling in a soothing kind of voice.

Hermione wondered when her family had decided that she wanted Ron gone as much as they wanted him gone…

Well, Hermione _wanted_ him gone – but not like that!

She wanted him out of the house and far away from her family and not six feet under!

Obviously, her family didn't seem to know the difference…

"James is currently not in Britain," Mycroft pointed out. "It should at least take a day or three to track him down."

Hermione's mother stepped around the table towards her oldest and kissed his forehead.

"I'm sure you'll get a hold of him anyway," she said smiling, before her smile turned into a frown again. "Or is he playing dead again, currently?"

Mycroft sighed.

Ron looked in confusion from one brother to the other.

"Why would somebody want to play dead?" He asked confused.

Nobody even acknowledged his words.

Sherlock snorted at his mother's words.

John just frowned at his flatmate.

"Don't you dare to start, Sherlock," he said in a reprimanding tone of voice. "At least James lets us know that he's not dead unlike certain other individuals."

Sherlock had the grace to look at least a bit startled.

Hermione's mother frowned at her younger son.

"You decided to play dead for John?" She asked with a confused look on her face. "When?"

"The last two years, Mummy," John replied, bitterness in his voice.

"Sherlock!"

Hermione snickered when finally the ire of her parents was aimed at somebody else than Ron for the night.

"It was a little bit more complicated than it sounds like currently," Mycroft added with a sigh and when his parents disapproving looks turned at him, he actually raised his hands in defence. "It wasn't my idea! I told him that I could tell John the truth after about a month – just to be sure! It's not as if I didn't do that kind of thing before!"

"Never to John," Sherlock pointed out pouting.

"Never to John," Mycroft admitted. "But to Mummy and Brandton when James dared to do one of his stunts again."

Then he turned to his parents.

"That reminds me, Mummy," he said. "No, James is currently on a regular assignment, not an 'I'm allowed to have a holiday so I'm dead for the next few months' kind of one."

"Oh, good," her mother said. "I'm a bit tired about all the condolence I'll always get from the agents I'm treating in my praxis when he does that."

Ron spluttered.

"What kind of family is this?" He exclaimed disgruntled. "Joking about death! Believing that two muggle pranksters are too much for me to handle! Telling lies about me and believing that Hermione will believe them! You're all insane!"

Hermione winced.

Mycroft just raised an eyebrow while John frowned and her parents disapproving glances turned onto Ron again.

"Seems that you can at least deduce something when it hits you into the face," Sherlock said in distain. "Even if you're absolutely wrong with your deduction. We're not insane. John's a danger addict, I'm a sociopath, Mycroft's Mycroft which explains everything and Mummy and Daddy are just your typical neighbourhood dentists."

There was a gleam in his eyes that told Hermione that her brother meant a lot more with those words than he let on.

"Of course, considering that you don't have even two brain cells to rub together, it might seem easier to you just to look at us and use one word to describe us," Sherlock continued.

"Sherlock," Mycroft said reprimanding. "Don't insult the boy's poor brain. It's not its fault that it hasn't been used in years!"

"Mycroft, Sherlock!" John said frowning. "You heard your mother before. No calling Hermione's friends idiots at the dinner table!"

"But we didn't call them 'idiots'," Sherlock pointed out before turning to his mother. "No good?"

"No, Sherlock," she said smiling sweetly. "That was well done. I'm proud of you!"

Ron's mouth opened and stayed that way while he looked at Hermione's mother as if she had grown a second head.

"I think he still needs some more creativity, Jane," Hermione's father said. "We should have asked Tony or the twins to teach him some more creative words for situations like that."

Hermione just gawked at her parents.

She guessed, that that was the moment when she finally understood that her parents were as happy with Ron as her brothers.

"Mummy! Daddy!" She exclaimed anyway in embarrassment.

Her parents looked at her and her mother tousled her hair.

"Why didn't you keep that nice boy from… Germany, was it?"

"Bulgaria, Mummy," Mycroft corrected.

Sherlock frowned.

"Might have been the better choice," he decided. "Or the other id… the loyal one."

Hermione's mother shot her son a sharp look for nearly using 'idiot' again.

"I think Hermione said something about him being with another girl," John pointed out but Sherlock waved it off.

"Doesn't matter," he said. "Hermione would be the better choice for him anyway."

"Hey! That's my sister you're insulting!" Ron said while turning red with anger.

"So?" Sherlock asked unimpressed. "That doesn't make her in any way better for the loyal one than _my_ sister. From what I heard about him he needs somebody to reign him in – and your sister didn't do that until now, did she?"

"You're insane!" Ron exclaimed. "You're absolutely insane if you believe that Hermione will stop going out with me just because you said so!"

"Of course she will not stop going out with you because I said so," Sherlock said disgruntled. "She'll stop because she'll see what a lazy bum you actually are!"

Ron turned even redder at that.

"Sherlock!" Hermione pleaded.

"He's right, you know, little sister?"

"Mycroft!"

"I fear I have to say that Sherlock might be on the right path of deduction, here."

"John!"

"I'm not surprised by that, I trained my sons well."

"Definitely."

"Mummy! Daddy!"

 _This family dinner truly was a family dinner from hell!_

"Absolutely insane!" Ron exclaimed and stood up. "C'mon, Hermione. Let's get out of here!"

John smiled sweetly at Ron.

"Let me show you the door, Ronald," he said and finally put down the pudding. "I'm sure we won't miss you at dinner."

When Hermione looked at her brothers and her boyfriend in concern, John just waved it off.

"Stay seated, Hermione," he said. "I can bring him to the door."

Ron sneered.

"Hermione won't stay here without me," he exclaimed heatedly.

Hermione stared at Ron, startled at his demanding tone of voice.

Mycroft frowned, and Sherlock actually clapped his brother on the shoulder.

"Don't worry, Mycroft," he said as if talking about the weather. "I've already deduced where he grew up. With our little Quartermaster's help we can send the twins to visit him in a few days' time."

Ron reddened further.

"You won't be able to find out where I live!" He exclaimed disgruntled. "My home's protected by magic!"

Sherlock shrugged.

"I'm sure our two brothers turned computer nerds will love the challenge," he said unconcerned.

Mycroft smirked.

Hermione stared at her two older brothers with burning eyes.

"You won't send the twins anywhere near Ron," she told them harshly.

Her brothers looked at her.

"Of course not, Hermione," Mycroft said with a sigh. "What kind of people do you think we are?"

Hermione stared at her brothers a little bit longer, but in the end she nodded.

"Hermione!" Ron called. "Let's go!"

Hermione sighed, but in the end she stood up and followed her boyfriend out of the door.

She had been right.

 _The whole dinner had been a disaster – and they didn't even have dessert!_

Just before leaving, Hermione sighed and asked the question that had bugged her since she arrived.

"Daddy, Mummy," she said slowly. "Why did you invite Ron?"

When her parents looked at her uncomprehendingly, she sighed and elaborated.

"You obviously don't approve of him," she said. "So why did you invite him in the first place?"

Her father shrugged.

"He's your boyfriend, sweetie," he said with a smile. "Of course we wanted to get to know him."

Somehow, Hermione had the chilling feeling that that answer wasn't entirely correct.

A week later she would be sure after being forced to remove the third arrow out of Ron's buttocks with her boyfriend still twitching from the electricity running through his body.

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 _Well… this chapter names some more brothers. To James: Yes, he's James Bond – even if I'm not entirely sure how he got 'Bond' from 'Brandton' (That name is not misspelled, but deliberately spelled like this!). xDDD Maybe you can guess the 'twins'? (Hint: both are based on another movie each, but are played by the same actor, hence 'twins'. One of them belongs to the 'Tony' mentioned in the story… and someone already guessed the movie I pulled the 'arrow-twin' from. Both have last names that with some switched and/or erased letters can have their origin in 'Brandton'.)_

 _To the Quartermaster: I don't think you need to guess this one. Just if it isn't clear: He's a brother as well, because I thought it funny (He's from Mummy's side, younger than Sherlock)._

 _To 'Tony': Since I won't explain in this story, I decided to mention it at least: Half-brother, to Mummy's side (different father compared to Sherlock, Q and Mycroft (I have an explanation why and how, but it won't make this story, sorry T.T)). Can you guess who he is? xD_

 _I promise I'll at least list the brothers' full names and the movies I took them from at the end of the epilogue. xD_

 _xxx_

 _Well, I'm planning just one chapter for this fic – but I thought about turning the whole thing into a series, featuring Hermione's brothers, their exploits and their interaction with Hermione, her friends and the magical world. Anyone interested?_

 _Ebenbild_


	4. Interlude

_**Disclaimer**_ _: I'm too young to be Rowling so there is sadly no way Harry Potter is mine…_

 _ **Placing:**_ _After_ _the_ _second_ _war._

 _ **Information:**_ _This story is now a series. Prequel "Family Oddness" is up – How Hermione found out she's a witch and accepted at Hogwarts. xDDD_

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sSsSsSsSs

 _ **CONFESSION TIME**_

 _ **Interlude: After They Left**_

sSs

The moment the door closed behind Ron and Hermione, Sherlock actually rounded on Mycroft.

"You actually promised her not to send the twins anywhere near her… boyfriend?" He asked frowning.

Mycroft shrugged.

"I plan on following that promise," he said and Sherlock's eyes narrowed.

John frowned as well.

"So we have to just sit by and do nothing?" He asked unhappily.

Hermione's mother just patted her husband's son's hair.

"I'm going to get the phone," she said and left the room.

Brandton Granger meanwhile stood up and went to one of the cupboards to search something in them.

"I have it in there somewhere," he said frowning.

Mycroft waved it off.

"Don't worry about that," he said. "I remember the number."

John frowned and Sherlock's face turned sour.

"I thought you promised to not contact the twins, Mycroft," John said, now even more confused.

In that moment Jane Granger returned to the dining room and held out the telephone – to Sherlock.

Sherlock stared first at the phone, then at his mother unhappily.

His mother raised an eyebrow.

Sherlock sighed and took the phone.

Mycroft leaned forward towards his younger brother.

"Call…" he said before repeating the phone number two times.

"I'm not an idiot," Sherlock grumbled when his brother repeated the phone number, but said nothing else.

John just watched amused with a raised eyebrow.

The moment Sherlock had pinched in the numbers, he put the call on speaker.

Just seconds later a mechanical British voice could be heard.

"You've reached the home of Tony Stark," it said. "JARVIS speaking. Mr Stark is currently preoccupied."

Sherlock pouted at the phone, before speaking up, still looking quite unhappy with his role.

"This is Sherlock," he said. "I need to talk to Ant."

"One moment, sir," the A.I. answered and just a few seconds later, Tony Stark's voice could be heard through the speakers.

"Sherley!" He greeted Sherlock quite enthusiastically. "What can I do for my second favourite half-brother?"

"Anthony!" Jane Granger spoke up from the side in a reprimanding tone of voice.

"Sorry, Mummy," Tony Stark said not at all sounding sorry. "No favourites, I know, I know!"

John snorted in amusement at that exclamation.

"So what can I do for one of my equally beloved brothers?" Tony continued, sounding a bit distracted. Obviously he had the phone on speaker as well and was tinkering with one thing or another.

"Hermione came home," Sherlock said as if that would explain everything.

"Ah!" Tony replied and it sounded as if he was crawling under something. "Which one do we have to take out?"

Obviously, unlike John, Tony didn't need more explanation when it came to Sherlock's thought process.

Mycroft huffed in the background.

"That was Myc?" Tony asked and something hit the floor.

"It was, darling," Jane Granger said.

"Huh," Tony said and another thing hit the floor. "That bad? If you need the cavalry you'll have to wait a bit. I'm currently taking apart my Ironman suit."

"Actually," Brandton Granger spoke up from the background. "We weren't yet ready to eradicate the boy. Hermione still hangs on him a bit."

Sherlock huffed.

"So what can I do?" Tony replied.

Sherlock huffed again.

"Mycroft promised not to send Daddy's sons after Ronald," he said with an eye-roll.

John snorted amused, but obviously the brothers understood each other quite well, because Tony's next question was: "Whom do I send?"

Mycroft and Sherlock looked at each other and then with a raised eyebrow at John.

John frowned and looked at his father who was also looking at him with expectations in his eyes.

"Why are you all looking at me?" He asked the others in the room confused.

"Who are you?" Tony echoed him from the phone.

"Er… John Watson," John answered a bit embarrassed. "I guess we're something akin to step-brothers?"

"Ah!" Tony said. "You're one of Daddy's children."

"Er… yes," John said.

"And the ones I have to contact are Daddy's children as well," Tony concluded. "So tell me, whom do I contact?"

John blinked at the phone in bemused surprise.

In the end, he mentally shrugged and answered.

"Either William Brandt of IMF – tell him to bring his twin," he explained. "Or Clinton Barton of SHIELD – the same message."

"Wait, stop!" Tony said, sounding a bit horrified. "I'm _birdbrain_ 's brother? Why wasn't I warned about _that_?"

John stared at the phone in even greater surprise.

"Huh," he said. "You know Clint?"

"Of course I know _birdbrain_! Haven't you watch the news?! You know, the whole 'aliens in New York debacle' that was all over the news for the last three weeks?"

John looked in confusion at Sherlock.

Sherlock raised an eyebrow.

Mycroft frowned.

The parents shrugged and waved it off.

"We heard about the aliens," John said. "And we heard about you being involved – but there was no word that Clint was involved as well."

For a moment, there was some whispered conversation at the other end of the phone between the mad inventor and his A.I., then the mad inventor sighed.

"Ah, yeah," he said. "Forgot that SHIELD pushed the names of their agents and every video material of them under the rug."

John frowned at the phone.

"Anyway," Tony added. "Since birdbrain's only mopping around the tower it might be a good idea to send him over. Especially if he's with his twi… wait! Birdbrain has a _twin_?!"

"Er… yes," John said, feeling a bit out of his league while talking to Tony.

"Hey! Does the pirate know?" Tony asked, suddenly sounding exited.

John frowned and looked at Sherlock and then at Mycroft when Sherlock didn't return the gaze.

Mycroft frowned.

"I made sure that there are absolutely no connections between any of us," he said. "I may have not met the twins, but I have protected them since Mummy remarried."

"Fabulous!" Tony said. "I always wanted to prank the pirate!"

"Not now, darling," Jane Granger spoke up in that moment.

The answer was a sigh from Tony.

"Of course not, Mummy," he said. "Don't worry. I'll pack the twins and we'll be in Britain within the next three days."

"Splendid!" Sherlock exclaimed and then pushed the button to end the call.

Mycroft nodded satisfied.

"I'll contact James," he said. "Three days should be enough to end his assignment as well."

John frowned.

"Do we truly need him as well?"

Sherlock snorted.

"Of course not!" He said a bit miffed. "But we need Sherrinford – and he won't come if James is still on assignment. Something about the responsibilities of a Quartermaster or some such…"

"Oh," John said in understanding.

That sounded logical.

Barely four days later, Tony and Sherrinford had found out where one Ronald Weasley lived.

Another two days after that, Ron would find himself with the first electricity arrow in his buttocks.

Hermione called her big brother the next morning.

"Mycroft!" She greeted him unhappily. "Didn't you promise not to send the twins after Ron?"

"Are you accusing me of breaking my promise, my dear little sister?" Mycroft replied evenly.

"Mycroft!" There was a reprimand in Hermione's voice when she spoke up this time.

"I swear to you that I didn't contact the twins – just like I promised, sister mine," Mycroft said calmly.

Hermione huffed.

"So you want to tell me that Robin Hood decided to leave his legends to hunt down my boyfriend?" She asked sarcastically. "And he just stopped by my brother to get some of his electricity arrows?"

"If that's what you think might have happened, then I'm sure that's what happened," Mycroft replied calmly. "After all, you are the one who has a better grip on what magic actually can or can't do. All I can say is that I didn't contact the twins."

Hermione frowned.

"What about Sherlock and John? Did they -?"

"Not one of us broke my promise," Mycroft said. "Anything else you need of me, sister mine?"

Hermione snorted in amusement.

"You know that I will find out eventually how you contacted the twins," she said amused.

"Of course, dear sister," Mycroft replied. "And now run along to your… boyfriend. I'm sure he needs some help."

Hermione huffed, but said her goodbyes anyway.

Just seconds after she had hang up, Ron stumbled into the room she was currently occupying.

"Hermione!" He whined. "Somebody shot an arrow at me – again!"

With that he turned around to show her his maltreated backside.

Obviously, it wouldn't be the last arrow Hermione would be forced to remove…

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 _I actually didn't plan this chapter to happen, but while writing the prequel 'Family Oddness' I thought: it would be fun to see more about the brothers and how they actually managed to get the twins involved without breaking their promise…_

 _sSs_

 _ **List of siblings (as promised):**_

 _ **Mummy's side:**_

 _Mycroft Holmes (22 years older than Hermione): "Sherlock"-series_

 _Tony Stark – half-brother to the others (20 years older): "Avenger"-movie_

 _Sherlock Holmes (17 years older): "Sherlock"-series_

 _Sherrinford Holmes – Q (16 years older): "James Bond (Craig)"-movies_

 _sSs_

 _ **Daddy's side:**_

 _Barney Barton (23 years older): "Avenger"- background_

 _Harriet Watson (21 years older): "Sherlock"- series_

 _James Bond (19 years older): "James Bond (Craig)"-movies_

 _John Watson (18 years older): "Sherlock"- series_

 _William Brandt (13 years older): "Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol/ Rogue Nation"-movies_

 _Clinton Barton (13 years older): "Avenger"- movie_

 _sSs_

 _I only added the siblings. There might be some other family members, but those are the siblings referred to in this story._

 _Hope you liked it._

' _Till next time._

 _Ebenbild_


	5. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer**_ _: I'm too young to be Rowling so there is sadly no way Harry Potter is mine…_

 _ **Placing:**_ _After_ _the_ _second_ _war._

 _Challenge: 'Prompt of the day'. Prompt_ _: (_ _event_ _)_ _family dinner_ _. 1863_ _words_ _._ _Gryffindor_ _,_ _Hogwarts_ _._

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sSsSsSsSs

 _ **CONFESSION TIME**_

 _ **Part IV**_

 _sSs_

" _Clint! Stop shooting arrows at my boyfriend's butt whenever he's outside!"_

" _Sorry, sis, no can do. I have a promise to keep, after all!"_

sSs

"This," Ron told Hermione while they walked away from the home of her parents to find a quiet corner to apparate. "Was the most horrible dinner I had since forever!"

Hermione winced.

"Ron," she said slowly. "My brothers –"

"Are absolutely insane!" Ron exclaimed. "And don't you dare to object me!"

Hermione who had opened her mouth to do just that, closed it again.

She guessed that it might be the wrong time to defend her brothers right now. Ron was far too wound up to even think about listening to her.

"I can't believe that those men are in any way or form related to you!" Ron exclaimed. "They're absolutely nothing like you at all!"

Hermione frowned at Ron.

She couldn't even understand how Ron thought that she had nothing in common with her brothers!

She knew for a fact, that her brothers were just as intelligent as her or even more intelligent than her! They were also as danger-loving as her, or even a lot more than her! In Hermione's eyes she was the perfect blend of her other siblings!

She shook her head and decided that Ron was just angry because of Sherlock's rude words. Her older brother Sherlock, after all, had a talent to wind up people…

"If you think so," she told Ron and patted his arm. "And now, come, Ron. Let's go back to the Burrow."

Ron frowned, but in the end he nodded.

"Let's," he said. "And let's never go back to that damn place ever again."

Hermione's eyes narrowed.

"That damn place is my parents' home," she couldn't stop herself from pointing out coolly.

Ron just growled.

"Whatever," he said. "As long as I don't have to meet those nutcases ever again…"

Hermione's eyes narrowed further, but then, she took a deep breath, closed her eyes and reminded herself that Ron had been taken apart by Sherlock just a few minutes ago. He would get over it and stop being so antagonistic towards her brothers, she reminded herself. _Ron would get over it again!_

"Let's go to the Burrow," she repeated with a deep breath.

And together they entered a side-alley and apparated away.

 _sSs_

" _If you don't like the arrows, I'm sure William, James or John could help out with some bullets as well…"_

" _Sherlock!"_

sSs

"Tony!" Hermione exclaimed and stared at her brother in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

"There's a conference in London and I decided to crash here at Mummy's," Tony replied while carrying up his stuff into the room that he always occupied when he was at his parents.

Hermione's parents had room for all of their children – even if the most of them had to share room with at least one of their siblings.

Hermione narrowed her eyes at her brother after hearing that answer.

"And the conference is now – just barely a week after that disastrous dinner at our parents with Ron," she said in disbelief.

Her brother looked up at that from his luggage and frowned at his baby sister.

"Disastrous dinner?" He asked. "What disastrous dinner?"

Hermione frowned at him, clearly not sure how to take the innocent-looking, seemingly unknowing brother of hers.

"Really, Pipsqueak," said Tony. "It's not as if I hadn't had a lot on my plate for the last few weeks – of course the only thing I had to do was to keep updated with your love-life."

Hermione winced at her brother's sarcasm.

He was right, after all, just a short time ago, there had been an alien-attack in New York. Tony clearly had had a lot of other things going on in his life, so maybe, he truly had had no idea about the catastrophe that had been the last family dinner.

In the end she sighed and stepped forward to hug her brother.

"I'm sorry, Tony," she said. "I shouldn't have –"

"Ant!" She was interrupted before she could even end her sentence. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

Hermione turned around, just to see two other brothers walking down the drive-way.

She narrowed her eyes.

"Sherrinford," she greeted the one with the dark curly hair before turning her eyes on the dark-blond head of hair. "James."

Her brothers exchanged a glance.

"Hermione," they returned the greeting, before Sherrinford added. "I thought you were at your boyfriend's…"

"I'm just home for some books," Hermione replied with narrowed eyes. "What are you doing here, Sherrinford, James?"

James opened his mouth, but before he could say something, Sherrinford pointed darkly at James' left arm which was in a sling.

"The idiot got hurt," he said with narrowed eyes, clearly unhappy. "And I'm the babysitter."

Hermione blinked, then snorted.

That definitely sounded like James.

She shook her head at herself.

Mycroft had promised not to send the twins or anybody else after Hermione's boyfriend – and Hermione believed that her eldest brother wouldn't lie to her about that. He would circumvent his promise if he could, but he wouldn't break it.

"Alright," she said. "Have fun – and don't drive Mummy and Daddy mad, will you?"

"Sure thing, sis," Tony assured her grinning before gesturing James and Sherrinford in. "Let's go inside and unpack before my bodyguard and his shadow arrives!"

Hermione rolled her eyes at Tony.

"Don't forget that Daddy hates strangers in our home," she reminded him. "Especially if those people aren't friends but solely employees."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Tony said. "But I need a bodyguard or two – especially after New York."

Hermione couldn't object to that – she had seen what had happened in New York, and she could fully understand how that had just raised not only her brother's popularity but also the number of his enemies.

"Well – I just hope you have informed Daddy about –"

"Daddy knows my bodyguards personally," Tony assured him. "I have ensured that he's fully aware and fully agreeable when it comes to them."

Hermione nodded.

"Well," she said. "I guess then I'm leaving you to your conference and your babysitting."

With that, she hugged each of her brothers good-bye, went up the stairs to fetch her books and left just a few minutes later.

The moment she was gone, Tony turned to Sherrinford.

"Do you have your lap-top with you?" He asked.

"Sure thing," Sherrinford said, smiling evilly. "Let's go upstairs and hook it up. I guess with the two of us working on this, it shouldn't take long until we find that _boyfriend_ of our little sister's…"

The two exchanged an evil smile.

James raised an eyebrow.

"And what do I do while you're playing with your computers?" He asked.

Tony shrugged.

"How about you sit down and actually rest?" Sherrinford said with narrowed eyes. "You _are_ hurt, after all."

James looked at Sherrinford in betrayal.

"I thought you're here for Hermione's boyfriend and not actually as my babysitter," he pointed out unhappily.

Sherrinford shrugged.

"I'm sure I can do both," he said. "So behave, James – or _I'll_ ensure that you will!"

With that, he and Tony vanished up into their room while James sat down pouting – not that he would ever admit that – in the living room to watch some telly. Thankfully, just an hour or two later, Tony's bodyguard arrived to distract him…

 _sSs_

" _I could ask Natasha to do it if you'd prefer knives…"_

" _Clint!"_

sSs

"Hermione!"

Hermione looked up from her book.

"Ron?" She asked, a bit confused at the sniping sound of her boyfriend's voice.

Ron glared at her, while waddling up to her in an odd kind of walk.

"Ron?" Hermione repeated. "Are you alright?"

Ron glowered at her.

"Am I alright?" He asked unhappily. "Am I alright?"

He glowered at her again.

"Of course I'm not alright!" He exclaimed, his face red with embarrassment. "I've got a stick stuck in my buttocks! I'm anything _but_ alright!"

Hermione blinked at her boyfriend in confusion.

"A stick in your butt –"

Ron turned around to show her what he meant.

For a minute or two, Hermione just stared at her boyfriend's backside in total disbelief. Then she shook her head and closed her eyes.

The "stick" in her boyfriend's buttock was an arrow.

An arrow with a black shaft and purple fletching.

Hermione knew that arrow.

She knew it as well as her other brothers' weapons.

Her eyes narrowed.

"Clint," she growled and Ron turned around to look at her in confusion.

"What?" He asked confused.

Hermione just stared at him blankly, her mind on someone else entirely.

"Nothing," she said finally before looking at the arrow in her boyfriend's butt. "I'll go and talk to the one who did it."

She would definitely talk to her brother about that…

"The one who did it?" Ron repeated and turned his upper body to look at her in disbelief. "You know who -?"

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"My brother," she said. "Arrows means that the chance that it's anybody else is nearly nil."

Ron's eyes nearly bugged out.

"Your brother?" He screeched. "Your brother did that to me?!"

"I'll talk to him," Hermione ensured her boyfriend. "Don't worry about it. It will be the first and last time that something like that happened."

Sadly enough, Mycroft would deny that he called the twins in any way or form and Hermione was stumped on how the twins had not only found out about the dinner but also about the living environment and habits of her boyfriend…

Two days after her talk with Mycroft, Ron would end up with a second arrow in his buttocks.

 _sSs_

" _Or Ethan if you don't want it to be family. He's still owing me for Croatia."_

" _Will!"_

sSs

Hermione stormed into the room of her older brothers.

On the left side of the room, one blond-haired, grey-eyed man was polishing his knives.

On the right side of the room, one blond-haired, grey-eyed man was surveying something on the screen of one of his computers.

Hermione narrowed her eyes at both of them.

"What are you doing here?" She asked them suspiciously.

The brothers looked up, met her gaze with their own and then exchanged a glance in between themselves.

"Holiday," the right man said.

"Bodyguard for Tony," the left man said and returned to polishing of his knives.

Hermione stared at them, disbelief clearly visible in his eyes.

"Uhuh," she said. "Of course – and that's the only reason you're here…"

"Of course," the left twin said, eyes huge and innocent. "It's not as if I had time for more. Looking after Tony is a full-time job, after all!"

Hermione snorted, clearly not believing him even if what he said was true.

The right twin meanwhile waved it off.

"Naw," he said. "I'm also here to keep an eye on Clint. I know what he gets up to without me near him, after all!"

Hermione narrowed her eyes at her brothers at that.

"Like shooting arrows at my boyfriend?" She asked suspiciously.

The left twin looked at her innocently.

"I would never think about shooting arrows at the boyfriend of my baby sister!" He exclaimed, his eyes wide and as innocent as a baby's.

Hermione stared at her brother in disbelief.

"You know that I don't believe that legend that Robin Hood came out of his story and stole some of your arrows to shoot at my boyfriend!" She told them darkly.

The twins exchanged a look.

"Why not?" Clint said innocently. "It seems somewhat reasonable to me, doesn't it?"

The other twin nodded.

"You're right, Clint," he said. "Sounds reasonable."

Hermione groaned.

"Just," she said with a sigh. "Stop it – both of you!"

The twins looked at her innocently.

"We're not doing anything, baby sis," Clint said and smiled. "But if you don't like arrows, I could ask Natasha to do it if you'd prefer knives…"

"Clint!"

The other twin grinned.

"Or Ethan," he added, smiling as innocently as his brother. "If you don't want it to be family. He's still owing me for Croatia."

"Will!"

The twins exchanged a smirk.

"Oh, c'mon, sis," Clint said.

"It's not as if we'd ever do something to our beloved sister's boyfriend," Will added.

Hermione just narrowed her eyes at them.

"Just. Stop it!" She said slowly and clearly before leaving the room of her youngest older brothers.

The twins looked at each other.

Then Will held out his open and empty hand.

"Arrow," he said to Clint and Clint pulled out of his quiver one of his arrows.

Will took it and looked it over before turning around to his computer.

"Let's see how much that boy'll like a bit more electricity in his butt," he said.

Clint smiled.

"Left or right buttock?" He asked amused.

Will grinned.

"I guess we need a penny to determine that one," he said and Clint returned his evil grin with an evil one of his own.

 _sSs_

" _Or me. Then you wouldn't have to worry about your boyfriend ever again…"_

" _Antony Edward Stark! Don't you dare -!"_

" _Oops…"_

sSs

Ron was standing in the living room of the Burrow scowling.

Harry, Ginny and Neville looked at him in confused.

"Are you alright, Ron?" Harry asked.

"Yes, are you alright, Ronniekins?" George added with a grin while aiding Fred down the stairs, who still had trouble to walk alone after surviving his internal injuries and breaking a lot of bones when he was buried by the wall coming down on him in the last fight of the war at Hogwarts.

Ron just scowled even more.

"How was your dinner, Ronniekins?" Fred added grinning. "I don't remember you talking about it at all after it happened!"

The answer was a dark look, before Ron finally opened his mouth to say his opinion.

"'Mione's family is insane," he said unhappily. "When we marry, we won't invite anyone of her side to it!"

Harry frowned.

"Is that what Hermione wants as well?" He asked.

Ron just scowled again.

"I don't care," he declared. "Those muggles shouldn't be invited! They're… they're…"

He rubbed his backside with his left hand and his face's expression darkened even further.

Neville and the twins followed his gesture with confused interest while Harry winced sympathetically.

"You're telling me those arrows -?" Harry started to say before thinking better of it and stopping. Ginny's eyes widened and she winced as well when she finally caught on.

Ron sent a dark look at his best friend.

"The worst part is, that Hermione tells me there's nothing she can do," he said unhappily. "It's as if she doesn't care about me at all!"

The twins looked at each other.

"What arrows?" They chorused.

Ron pressed his lips together, clearly intending to say no more. Harry just shrugged helplessly.

"Hermione said that Ron was rude and that her siblings didn't take too well to that behaviour and are now extracting their revenge by shooting at Ron with arrows," he explained.

The twins looked at each other in surprise.

"Arrows?" They asked simultaneously.

"They're bloody muggles," Ron said unhappily. "It's not as if they have another option but those pointy things. They can't use proper spells, after all."

Fred and George exchanged a glance accompanied by a raised eyebrow.

"Is that what you told them as well?" Fred asked when turning back to Ron.

Ron glowered.

"I said nothing of that sort," he said unhappily. "I was perfectly polite!"

Ginny snorted and the twins looked at him in disbelief.

"Ron," Neville said hesitatingly. "You don't know what's polite even if it hit you on the nose…"

Ron frowned at Neville.

"Of course I know how to be polite!" He exclaimed unhappily. "It's Hermione's bloody insane family who doesn't! They're not normal! They all should be in St. Mungo's!"

Neville's eyes darkened at that.

"I can't believe –"

"Oh, no, Neville!" Ron exclaimed. "You can't convince me of something different in that case! Those men are insane! I mean, what kind of family is this? Joking about death! Believing that two muggle pranksters are too much for me to handle! Telling lies about me and believing that Hermione will believe them! They're insane, the lot of them!"

In that moment, Hermione stepped into the living room, clearly having heard at least part of the last sentence, because she was looking disapprovingly at Ron.

"Who's insane?" She demanded to know snidely.

Harry, Neville and Ginny winced at her tone of voice and even the twins took a step back to get out of the immediate sight of the soon-to-be irritated witch.

Ron instead clearly didn't catch on onto the danger-warning Hermione was emitting.

"You're entire bloody family," he said, clearly still annoyed at how he had been treated by Hermione's siblings. "I mean, they're actually shooting arrows at me! Arrows! Sparked with ekelictriy, or whatever!"

"Electricity!" Hermione corrected sharply and now clearly about to get angry. "Electricity, Ron! I've told you a thousand times before that it's 'electricity'!"

Ron waved it off with a huff.

"Whatever," he said. "It's not as if I'll ever need that muggle thingy anyway…"

Hermione's eyes narrowed.

"Maybe," she said slowly. "You deserve an arrow or more in your buttocks."

Ron frowned at her.

"Don't tell me you'll actually listen to that insane muggle and stop being with me just because he said so," he said with a frown.

Hermione's eyes narrowed.

"My _brother_ ," she emphasised the word unhappily. " _Sherlock_ , is not insane!"

"He told us our war wasn't that bad!" Ron said. "He's looking down on us!"

"He just said that we were lucky and it could have been worse!" Hermione countered unhappily.

"He admitted he and the rest are insane!" Ron said scowling.

"They're brilliant, not insane even if people call them such!" Hermione replied heatedly.

"Your brothers insulted me!" Ron said indignantly.

Hermione glared.

"You did that first," she said before adding like an afterthought. "And Sherlock insults everyone."

"They said you should have been with Krum!" Ron countered as heatedly as Hermione.

"Well – at least he had manners!" Hermione shot back.

"Or with Harry!" Ron pointed out and stabbed his finger towards his best friend.

Harry looked like a deer caught in headlight.

"Woah," he said. "What?"

The twins exchanged a startled look with Neville and Ginny stared at Ron as if he was the insane one.

"Well," Hermione conceded. "It's not as if they know that many boys from my school, so of course they'd mention – even if just because I mentioned him before!"

"They said he was the better choice!" Ron growled.

"Yeah, well – they were a bit biased after having seen you behave while just having heard about Harry," Hermione pointed out unhappily.

"They should have given me a chance before judging me!" Ron exclaimed angrily.

"I'm pretty sure they did and you blew it the moment you openly looked down on muggles!" Hermione screamed.

Ron glowered.

"I never looked down –"

"You said that you didn't care about muggle culture!"

"Yeah, well, I don't!" Ron countered with gritted teeth. "It's not as if it's in any way important to us wizards!"

"It's part of my culture!" Hermione countered and Ron shrugged.

"You're a witch, so it isn't," he replied.

Hermione shot him a betrayed look.

"I'm born to muggles!" She pointed out heatedly.

"But you are a witch!" Ron countered. "Anyway, even if I'd be interested in that bloody idiotic muggle culture, I definitely would've stopped being interested after meeting those nutcases you call your family!"

Hermione's eyes widened, then narrowed in something akin to fury.

"Fine," she said icily. "If that's what you think, then there's just one thing I can say to you: _It's over_ , Ron!"

Ron opened his mouth to reply, just to stare at her stumped.

"Wha – huh? Over?" He asked, uncomprehendingly.

Hermione sneered.

"Yes," she said icily. "Over. We're done, Ron. If that's how you think about my family and my culture, then that's it! I'm not willing to stay with someone who doesn't respect me at all!"

Ron growled.

"So you go and listen to that arrogant bastard just because he's related to –"

Hermione slapped him.

"No," she said harshly. "I ended it because you're a biased ass and because my brother was right. You're not good for me."

With that she turned around and stormed out – just to stop in the door and look at the others.

"If you excuse me," she said. "I think I need some distance."

With that, she left.

Harry, Neville, the twins and Ginny exchanged a look.

"I guess," Harry said slowly. "You've finally taken it too far, Ron. You will have to grovel, if you want to have her back…"

Ginny and Neville nodded.

Fred just shrugged.

"If he ever manages it," he said with an amused sigh. "It's not as if he didn't put one foot after another in his mouth…"

Ron scowled and then turned around to leave as well.

"I'll get her back," he told them, sureness in his voice. "She'll come back when she has stopped being furious."

Harry and the others looked at him dubiously.

Not one of them thought that it would be as easy as Ron believed…

But then – not one of them had any idea what Hermione's brothers had planned now that Hermione had finally gotten rid of Ron…

sSs

"Hey, Ant," Clint said slowly. "What do we do now that Hermione has given up on that idiot?"

"We're going out and search her a better boyfriend, obviously," Sherlock replied immediately.

"Sherlock!"

"What? John, he's right! If we don't find someone else, she might go back to him!"

"Sherrinford!"

"Or she might find someone worse!"

"William!"

"Ah – don't worry. I know exactly what to look for in a good boyfriend…"

"No, James, you don't –"

"And I'll help!"

"Ant, you –"

"What exactly is going on here?"

"Mycroft! Stop them before they go out and search for a boyfriend for our baby sister!"

"Maybe… that might be the best solution…"

"Not you, too!"

Yes, Hermione's male acquaintances had no idea what Hermione's brothers had planned for their future now that Hermione had finally gotten rid of Ron…

xXxXxXxXxXxStarxXxXxXxNamexXxXxXxXxNamexXxXxXxXxStarxXxXxXxXxXxXx

 _The end of this story. I've some idea about the boyfriend search, but still no idea about the winner…_

 _Hope you liked it_

 _Ebenbild_


End file.
